Our Parent Care Dilemma
By admin | 9th October 2008
By Jon M. Knapp, CFP
The telephone call came at 2:00 a.m. on that Saturday morning. Dan’s 80-year old father was stopped by the police as he was aimlessly driving around Charlotte, not knowing who he was, how he got there, or where he was going. Early dementia had arrived. For the next week Dan fed him, bathed him, dressed him and helped him in the bathroom. All privacy vanished.
“What do we do now?” Dan asked. “What would Dad want us to do? Where does he need to go? Is there a Power of Attorney signed? Where is his money and how do we get to it? Should we move him in with us?”
So many questions and so few answers came at a very critical time. Dan asked “Why didn’t we talk about this with Dad when he could understand and guide us? Why didn’t we have a conversation?”
“If you think talking about the ‘birds and bees’ with your children was difficult,” said Dan Taylor, of Charlotte, N.C., and Founder of the Parent Care Solution, “wait until you talk to your aging parents about their care and well being.”
The Dilemma
Soon nearly 80 million people will be senior citizens and will deplete and disable the entitlement programs like Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid.
Many seniors will spend all of their retirement assets, and therefore inheritances meant for their children will be nonexistent.
Providing attention and care for aging parents can be emotionally stressful, affecting both your professional and family life.
How will our children maintain their lifestyle, educate their children, fund their retirement and pay for our care and well being? They may not be able to!
The Solution
The solution is not to rush out and select a nursing home or an assisted living facility. It’s not to buy a long-term care policy, sign a healthcare power of attorney, or select a healthcare provider.
Most people put the cart before the horse.
The most important action is to first have a conversation with your parents regarding their care and well being as they age. These conversations may allow you as well as your parents to discover their dreams, concerns and expectations.
Senior parents are so consumed with being a burden, running out of money and/or their next doctor’s appointment they simply may not think and talk about anything else. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if they would talk and think about their future in an exciting, positive manner? These conversations will help them do just that!
It sounds very SIMPLE and it is. It is just not easy! I have found having this conversation with your parents is so difficult that families simply put it off. Many families wait until the crisis strikes, when everyone is at their maximum stress level before they begin asking these questions.
The Facts
You may have this conversation, either by design or default. There are six critical conversations that I recommend you have with or on behalf of your parents.
Having the answers to these questions can help you know what to do which can make it easier to buy the products, sign the agreements, pick out the facility, etc. These conversations are not a cure for what can’t be cured, and they will not make 100% happy what is sometimes 1000% sad, but they can strengthen, build, or rebuild relationships with the most important people in our lives, our parents.
Jon M. Knapp, CFP has been trained by the Parent Care Solution and is available to answer your questions at 309-699-9100.