Musings
Another spring is almost gone, and I haven’t finished up in my yard. On the other hand, I don’t think I’ll ever finish up because I am always changing plants and locations in my yard. I have done a little this weekend and last weekend, which was Memorial Day weekend, but a work time for me. Jason has been helping, which makes the chores go a little faster, and is very much appreciated. Actually, I had Jason and his friend Mark get a load of mulch, which is in my driveway. So I have to push forward to get finished with the yard and get all that mulch off the driveway. Our church’s garden walk last weekend inspired me. It was a good day, and the gardens were very impressive, much bigger than mine, but then I have a small space.
I have been working again about fifteen hours every two weeks at The Center, which I enjoy so much and about twelve with Home Instead, so it does keep me busy. I like being busy, having some structure and helping people, so it’s a good busy. I find that if I’m not working, I can goof off and read even more, so it’s better to like to be busy. I have had a couple events this month which set me back a little. I always think that I am strong physically, mentally and spiritually, but life happens!
Although I’ve dealt with it pretty well, sometimes life issues throw me for a loop. First of all, I had a big pity party for myself on Mothers’ Day. I spent a great part of the day crying and feeling sorry for myself. I didn’t go to Church because I didn’t want to see mothers with corsages and their families with them. Most holidays I’ve learned to treat as just another day, and I don’t get sentimental, but this was very difficult to get through.
I decided it was probably because my grandson, Kaid, graduated from Limestone High on Saturday. I found myself wondering what it would have been like to have my son, John, present for that day. He has been gone for fourteen years, and died when Kaid was just three. I don’t often deal with what might have been, but I did again think about what life would have been like if he and my other son, Jeff, had had children. I have learned to let go of ‘what if,’ but it does come back to haunt me now and then. Kaid is my only grandchild because my son John’s son Bryan died just a year after John. And Jeff, who died in 1978, never had children. We often don’t get the choices we’d truly like to make.
The other sadness was attending a Memorial Mass for a friend and former neighbor, Nancy, who was the same age as I. She was also in my water Exercise Class at Bradley for many years. She was diagnosed with cancer just a few weeks ago, and died last Thursday. Life can be pretty awful at times.
Well as I said I don’t usually think ‘what if’ about situations in my life, but they do sneak into my mind when I least expect them.
I’ve loved the cool weather we’ve had this past week, and sometimes think I could live in a different, more moderate climate, but Jason and Kaid are both here, so I can’t really leave. It is rather scary how circumstances sometimes wipe out the choices we might have made. I often think about ‘free will’ and how most of us believe in it, but how much does our situation affect our choices, and do we just get caught up in what is easier and more convenient. I need to think about that and truly decide whether this is what the rest of my life should be. Maybe I should run off to Tahiti or at least Timbuktu. I’ll think about that.
No matter where I end up, I have to be somewhere where I can get books. I’ve read two more of Jhumpa Lihire’s books. Her first was Interpreter of Maladies, for which she won the Pulitzer Prize, and the other was Namesake. She, being an Indian writer, writes about assimilation into American life by Indians and the difficulties they face. I wonder if they are faced more with that problem because so many academics, medical professionals and engineers end up coming to America. They surely face many prejudices and other problems in leaving their own country and culture and are faced with dealing with our many differences. I so admire those willing to go to new places and are forced to learn so much alien to them.
I think about the Iraqi children who I tutor who have such difficulty with English. I can’t even imagine how difficult it would be to go to another country and have to learn the language as well as so much, much more. English is very difficult, I’m glad it’s my native language and wish I could speak another language well, but we’ve never been inclined in America to get immersed in another culture. How sad!
I read one by Arundhati Roy called The God of Small Things which is another great read about assimilation by Indians. I am so inspired by their courage in coming to America. The ‘Brain Drain’ in India has certainly affected that country, but I understand from my reading, that it is slowing some, and many are returning because they miss their culture and families. Another I read was about China called The Vagrants by Yayun Le. I’ve also read The Irregulars, a biography about Roald Dahl. It’s a very interesting read about the British spy network in American during WW II. The Weight of Water by Anita Shreve is another interesting book that a new friend, Nancy, gave me to read.
She gave me several others that look very good and I’m anxious to read them, so it’s going to be hard choice as to yard work, housework or reading. Hope your choices are easier!
