Dear Emma Kate,
During our last family get-together, you were vigorously wiggling a loose tooth. Your Mom later reported success with the tooth pulling, and that a serious discussion ensued about the Tooth Fairy being “real.” You are certainly old enough for such inquiries but in my heart, you’re still that giggly little girl with bouncing curls who delighted in playing dolls. Now you and I discuss fashion, your financial situation, coupons in your purse, Katy Perry, and deep theological topics that likely never entered my mind when I was three months shy of my 9th birthday.
As an accomplished question asker, I appreciate your mulling over those situations that seem difficult to comprehend. You have a keen sense of wonder that is so essential and transforming given our ever-changing world. Keeping you young and innocent isn’t possible, but it seems a way to protect you from life’s hurts. I’m certain you are not interested in our protection, but trust me on this, Emma, we want that because we love you and want only goodness to surround you.
But here you are, affectionately cared about by many, and yet needing to confront a dilemma that saddens you. Not only did you ask about the Tooth Fairy, but also about other benevolent holiday characters like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. And your Mother very gently told you they aren’t real, at least not in the sense you were thinking. But being real is complex.
In a beautiful book for children and adults titled, “The Velveteen Rabbit” by Margery Williams, the toys in the nursery are engaged in conversation about being real. “Real isn’t how you are made,” says the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time . . . really loves you, then you become real. It takes a long time.” Indeed it does!
Another wise author, Francis Pharcellus Church, answered a letter from Virginia, a child just about your age, who asked about Santa Claus. He said, “The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see.” He goes on to explain that no one sees Santa Claus, but “he exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy.”
Realizing The Tooth Fairy or Santa Claus isn’t exactly who you thought they were doesn’t discredit their importance. They personify the shared element of surprise and joy for children especially, but adults also participate in such lighthearted fun. The pure delight those charming characters embody help soften the world’s harshness and add to family traditions. Generosity and kindness aren’t actually visible, but their effects are and we know they exist and are ours to share.
Emma, knowing you are loved and cherished can motivate you to share with others, particularly those who need to believe in the goodness of the human spirit. You can be Santa for someone who yearns to realize that others care. And you can enjoy and add to the thrill of Santa or the Easter Bunny for your younger brother and cousins. Love grows as it’s shared, making it even more beautiful and absolutely real!
Love always,
Your Grammie