While walking through the subdivision, we maintain a steady commentary about current and former owners of each house. Living in the same neighborhood since 1977 means the list is long with familiar names and addresses. When our son and two daughters were growing up, there were children galore for them to play with. It was a great neighborhood for young families. My husband and I never actually planned to stay in the same house for 33 years, but we’ve yet to find a good reason to move. Numerous other couples obviously share the same sentiments. I’m always a bit taken back to realize we now fit the description of “older” people living at our house. We’ve gone from being known as parents of three, and a dog owner, to two older residents. I can’t help wondering how it happened so quickly.
Sentimentality is my specialty. Mention a song, an event, a funny incident, and my memory wheels are rolling at top speed. As I get older, I often share the trivia floating in my mind that makes for interesting conversation but is rather superfluous. (I’d gladly trade up for some technology know-how, but alas, deal making isn’t optional.)
Each year on my children’s birthdays I reminisce about their birth and childhood. Now I do the same with our three grandchildren. I recall my parents’ special days with great fondness and many happy memories. Every April I reminisce about our wedding anniversary. Each year is a significant milestone but this year is particularly meaningful as we celebrate our 40th. When we were first married, I remember being genuinely concerned about what we would find to talk about each night at dinner. Mealtime conversation was important to me and I was sure we’d run out of topics. We never did. Three children in three years livened up many meals. Sometimes we wondered if we’d ever have opportunities for adult conversation or the pure joy of silence.
Forty years covers much territory: the ordinary, the wonderful, the challenging, and occasionally the sublime. A quote by an unknown author says: “Coming together is a beginning; staying together is progress; working together is success.” Marriage is work although we often romanticize it beyond recognition. Staying together wasn’t difficult but three teenagers in varying degrees of hormone havoc at the same time invited some speculation about the thrill of leaving. We’ve worked together through job changes, parents’ deaths, financial challenges, health issues, and an empty nest. I’ve learned life is a continual process of adapting gracefully while recognizing the silver linings. Most of what I worried about happening didn’t. Sometimes it’s in the looking back that we recognize blessings we overlooked at the time.
We’re taught the importance of marrying the right person. Being the right person is also important. Romance is multi faceted and includes more than Hollywood scripts. It’s about doing dishes together or holding hands or meatloaf by candlelight for dinner. It’s about not keeping track but always keeping your word. It’s integrity and commitment and having fun together. It’s being grateful for 40 shared years and hoping for 40 more. It’s knowing we’re not necessarily perfect for each other, but we’d do it all over again. Marriage is one of love’s finest dimensions. We have much to celebrate!