Perspective is difficult to explain to young ones, and apparently some adults, based on various crass comments on Facebook. The Presidential campaign and election are over, and results were a bitter disappointment to many, but continual negative remarks, unless tempered by beneficial suggestions, are not helpful, especially for those promoting the negativity. At some point, we have to ask ourselves, regardless of the situation, now that this has happened, how am I going to live my life in the most productive and best possible way? Continual anger and disparaging comments rarely provide motivation or improvement.
Sometimes life delivers a situation full of opportunities for developing perspective, but the particulars are not what we were expecting and are not those we would choose. But perspective is born more from challenges than from successes or easy living.
My youngest granddaughter was born last September with many unexpected health challenges, both immediate and with serious concerns for the future. There was nothing in the nine months of pregnancy to indicate this baby would be other than healthy, just like her two older siblings. When we thought we’d be planning the celebration for family and friends after her arrival, we were learning instead about the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) at the hospital; the myriad tests that can be performed on newborns; and the maze of unfamiliar multi-syllable words that require translation into vocabulary for non-medical people.
Previous everyday inconveniences and irritations suddenly seemed insignificant compared to what we learned about children with special needs. Not just for our baby, but also for others and their families, many of whom face tremendous obstacles. Knowledge was obtained from physicians, nurses, books, blogs, conversations with medical staff and other families and the Internet. After learning more about various health situations, we know to never take simple pleasures for granted. Providing continual care for a loved one, child or adult, is difficult, particularly when progress is limited or there seems to be no solution to the challenges.
We learned quickly if not hesitantly to enjoy every good detail about each day because the future is uncertain. We also learned to accept that the future is always uncertain, but we don’t usually consider that until circumstances jar our complacency. We better understand now the importance of making each day count and savoring special moments. We’ve vowed not to waste time being angry with others, or fussing about minor details, or complaining about what we can’t change. When a loved one’s well being is compromised, most anything else is minor, and disappointments and inconveniences that once seemed overwhelming, pale in comparison.
It is inspiring to me how people possess the equanimity to become advocates for their loved one even when the road ahead is paved with uncertainty and no guarantees, and often not promising answers in reach. And yet care providers step up to the task with grace and perseverance and continual belief in the possibility of a miracle or improvement.
My daughter, the mother to this sweet, adorable baby whose smile can light up a room, remarked, “Perspective is a beautiful thing and unfortunately we don’t always have it until we’re forced to.” How true, and with perspective can come determination and gratitude, even in challenging circumstances, and acceptance when change is not possible.