BY DAVE WEIMAN
In October, I wrote an article about loneliness, one of the “three plagues” that could potentially affect the well-being of elders. I wrote about another of those plagues, boredom, in November, and this month I’ll briefly discuss the third plague, helplessness.
The helplessness I’m referring to is not the “learned helplessness” that has become a important principle in behavioral theory and practice. Though it could be a factor in some cases, and should be addressed with professional counseling as it can lead to depression and may be an indicator of abuse directed at the elder by caregivers.
The helplessness I’m referring to is perhaps less traumatic and disabling, but can still lead to a situation where the elder is missing some opportunities that could promote a fuller and more enjoyable life. If someone is always receiving assistance and aid, and never has the chance to help or contribute to the well-being of others, an important mental and physical reward is lost in their lives. And this lost is disheartening, even if it doesn’t rise to a diagnosis of clinical depression.
It doesn’t take much to fill that void. Holding the arm of a friend to steady her during a walk, pushing a neighbor’s wheelchair into a restaurant, managing the checking account of a family member, baking a batch of cookies for the kids on the block, or maybe sitting with a person who has lost a loved one who simply needs human closeness. And the “others” don’t have to be human. Caring for pets and plants are effective solutions to helplessness, too.
But, the problem goes even beyond helping others. It also involves helping oneself. Not being able to perform simple daily activities such as dressing, eating, grooming and personal hygiene can affect a person’s outlook on life, not to mention self-worth. This is a jarring realization for anyone who has been self-reliant and capable of managing the routine tasks that fill a day.
As with most of the issues revolving around elder care, helplessness has no one solution. It is obvious that the degree at which a person is affected depends on the kind of life-style she or he enjoyed before the onset of the current circumstances. It helps to make a precise assessment of the current capabilities and not transfer a deficiency in one task to another. For instance, if someone has difficulty slipping into a shirt or blouse, it doesn’t mean that they can’t get into a pair of slacks by themselves. The goal is to give the person a chance to do everything they can do, taking into account the risks involved with each activity.
Dave Weiman is the founder of Care Compass, a free online site to assist elders and their families find Elder Care in the Peoria area. Dave has been engaged for over 10 years in improving the quality of care, so elders can enjoy a life of quality. For more information, go to his website at www.carecompasspeoria.org.