It happened again. I was overserved. I stumbled into the house, threw down my purse, flopped in my recliner, flipped on the television and passed out in a drunken stupor. Yep. Overserved. Again.

Oh, it wasn’t the first time. Every time I vowed it would never happen again. But when my friend Liz called and asked if I wanted to join her, I took the bait. I told myself I was in control. I would be sensible. I lied. Again.

I started salivating the moment I entered the establishment. The shrimp, the crab rangoon, the chicken teriyaki kabobs, the spring rolls, the egg rolls, the mushrooms, the sesame green beans, the egg drop soup, the beef and broccoli, the cinnamon sugar donuts … Oh my!

I ate it all — and more. My plate was piled high. I gobbled up my first plate of food like a hog at feeding time. And before my appestat could kick in (that pesky region of the hypothalamus that allegedly controls the appetite), I waddled over to the trough for Round 2. May I point out that at no time did an employee try to stop me. Not even a tap on the shoulder and a gentle admonishment, “Don’t you think you’ve had enough for today?” Nope. Instead those enabling so-and so’s snatched up my dirty plate as if the first round had never happened.

Liz had more restraint and made healthier choices. Why can’t I be more like her? And why didn’t she slap my chubby hand every time I put another mouthful in? Isn’t that what friends are for? Not my fault!

Bartenders can be fined. Bars can lose their license for overserving. Why can’t buffets operate under the same rules? Buffet-aholics like me need help! We don’t need servers swooping away our plates to hide the evidence. That’s enabling.

I have an idea of how to stop the overserving but it won’t be easy and it will take some time. I will go to the Overserving Palace and stand outside the door at lunch time asking the catatonic patrons to sign my petition as they waddle out. A petition declaring that the Overserving Palace should be shut down immediately for overserving its patrons, thereby causing great harm to the body and mind. I’ll be so clever in my wording that everyone will eagerly sign it. I’ll take the petition to our city fathers (and mothers) with 50 gazillon signatures on it so they’ll have no choice but to clamp down on all the buffets in the city and create an ordinance called Mo’s Overserving Buffet Law. At least I think that’s how it will go.

I read an article recently about a Burmese Python that swallowed a deer whole. OMG! That set my mind to wandering. Maybe I am part Burmese Python. Is that even possible? I should have a DNA test done. I tend to gulp my food, not chewing it properly and not always tasting it either. Something to ponder. I might even get in the Guiness book of World Records.

Thanksgiving is upon us and I’m going to have my jaws wired shut. No more drumsticks for me. Maybe some turkey gravy and mashed peas, and pureed pumpkin pie.

But enough whining! It’s the holidays and it’s time to celebrate with family, friends, and FOOD! Here’s hoping you had a great Thanksgiving! (and didn’t let Aunt Hazel overserve you.)