When my husband and I were engaged, we often wondered what topics or situations would cause arguments between us. We had read about typical ones: money, in-laws, where to spend Christmas dinner, putting the cap on the toothpaste, how many pairs of shoes are too many, where to vacation, and others. At the time, none of those were issues. Even after we married, and still 50 years later, those aren’t touchy subjects between us. We don’t agree on everything, how boring that would be, but we have few topics that ignite arguments. How best to discipline children was once an area of conversation with friction to it, but our disciplining days are thankfully finished.

For a few years we were owners of five automobiles between the two of us and our three teenagers. All of those vehicles had considerable age and miles on them, and only my husband was mechanically gifted. He was working out of state after his job in Peoria was moved. He worked for the same company, but was home only on weekends. Even that situation we weathered well, all things considered, but probably our most challenging argument was over car maintenance. I learned it’s not always the issue that is problematic, but our response.

As each teen graduated from college and was gainfully employed, they bought a newer, better vehicle, and that lessened the tension considerably about car issues. The one benefit to those years of living apart was we learned to argue and make up within 48 hours because we both were adamant about not leaving home angry. Occasionally, weekends ended with the formality of awkwardly saying, “I love you” when what we wanted to say was “I don’t particularly like you right now,” but we didn’t. Sometimes it’s easier to love than to like. We did our best.

We made it through quite comfortably the usual sources of conflict after some 25 to 30 years of marriage. Even after the empty nest adjustment, helping parents through illnesses and other challenges, and realizing we were now watching our former youth develop into something less comfortable and more challenging, we were adapting quite gracefully. And then on a lovely, sunny afternoon, when the spring fever cleaning projects compelled me to get started, I asked for assistance in cleaning the windows. Actually I just needed help removing the screens. We are not people who replace possessions until they absolutely have shared their last bit of usefulness with us. Consequently more than a few things around the house and in the garage require a bit more effort to clean than today’s new and improved models. Those screens are still functional with value remaining in them, and we are determined to capitalize on it.

It occurred to me, as we struggled with the screens, while neither of us was especially enamored with the other, that window cleaning is not something that brings out the best in either of us. Interesting that we’ve made it through challenges that could test the patience of a saint, but we’re struggling with something so mundane. Perhaps car maintenance and spring-cleaning deserve mention in the marriage vows or at least in marriage preparation classes. Or perhaps we should hire out some jobs for the sake of our marriage.