Today, Friday, April 26, is supposed to be in the sixties and I’m looking forward to going out in to my yard without a coat, I’ve been trying to clean up the yard from the winter, but it is hard when it rains so much and then gets so cold. But everything we do is relative to what is going on around us and having the flood, the Boston tragedy, the Texas explosion and the earthquake in China makes our troubles seem almost insignificant. I have always made myself feel better when I have problems by thinking of how many families in war torn countries or natural disaster areas have whole families wiped out, lose their homes and end up in refugee camps. It makes my worry over Jason and then my own bout with illness during the last three weeks seems rather minor.

Jason has stayed out of the hospital for a month which I think is his record for the past year. He did have a fall in the bathroom shortly after he got home last time. I work on Friday mornings and got home shortly after noon discovered a message from Jason’s best friend that he had returned to the hospital in an ambulance, because he fell in the bathroom and had a rather bad cut above his right eye and had to have stitches. They have been taken out, and he is remembering to be very cautious and move slowly, because he can still get weak and dizzy if he moves too fast. I know I have that problem, but I believe we are both well now. I ended up falling in the bathroom about three weeks ago because I was feeling weak and dizzy.

I thought I had just hit a front crown and loosened it, but when I got to the dentist, she discovered that I had hit the root above the tooth and broken it in half. I was in a lot of pain, so she had to take the tooth out. I had lost a tooth in the back earlier, so she took out that root and now I have a partial plate with two teeth. Because the one was in the front, I stayed pretty close to home until Wednesday when I got the new teeth in. I looked pretty awful and felt even worse with a tooth out in front of my mouth. I know anyone can break a tooth or more in an accident, and have to have a partial plate at any age, but this one, being my first, made me feel like an old lady, and my son didn’t help by teasing me as a snaggle-toothed old lady. We tease each other a lot, so it’s okay.

I am so thankful that he is doing well. He’s been very good about keeping up with his medicines and insulin. It’s hard to have to take the medicines and be insulin dependent. I know I am in that same situation and it ‘ain’t no fun.’ Some of us seem to have more negative situations than others, and I hope it’s just bad luck and not destiny. I had a friend once who used to say that service and help toward others was our rent for our space on this earth. I liked that analogy and hope that’s true but not that we have to have problems on this earth. Gosh! what about those who have very serious handicaps and truly struggle through life. I’ve often wondered why some people seem to breeze through life while others have to struggle so much.

I belong to a church that doesn’t necessarily believe in Heaven and Hell. In fact we are all on a journey searching for our own truth and then deciding what our faith is. I believe that I have already experienced my Hell, whatever that is, here on earth. Losing two sons at ages 24 and 42 and a grandson at 24 and then my husband to cancer. It does seem to be a bit much!. And then, Jason’s illness which has had me in depression many times. I am extremely glad that he is doing well and dealing with this long term illness.

I remember reading a book by Harold Kushner who is also the author of Why Bad Things Happen to Good People and agreeing with it’s not what happens to us, but rather how we deal that with it that measures our ability to deal with bad situations. I know there have been times that I just wanted to stay in bed and never get up. If you never go out in the world nothing bad can happen, but what is that doing for you and your family. It would be devastating to deal with a person who has decided to do that. It is much better to put one foot in front of the other and just keep on walking. It truly helps you heal and gives others hope that they too can recover from life’s tragedies.

Reading has been my salvation as well as working in a garden. With books you can get so many perspectives from others and how they have dealt with what happens in life. Dealing with soil and growing things allows a healing as nothing else can. When your worst nightmare happens to another human being, and you see them cope, you know you also can survive whatever life brings as well. Read a book. Plant some flowers.