I turned in a check for over six hundred dollars today to The Center for the Prevention of Abuse. I was so thrilled to do that, because it represents what I have wanted from our church for a very long time. We are very heady and reason with our minds, but sometimes not as much with our hearts. This new thrust designates that we give half of our loose offerings in the plate each Sunday. The last four weeks the money was designated for The Center. We will continue to do that for other not-for-profit agencies for the next year changing agencies about every four weeks. I have been a member of the Outreach Committee and have wanted to do this for a long time, and we recently had a congregational meeting and passed a resolution to this effect. I am happy to be member of a Church that thinks with its heart. Read the rest of this entry »

Well, I, along with millions of others watched the debate last night, and I find it so interesting how we each are able to support the views of one because of our own background and involvement. I, of course, strongly support Obama, not just because I’m a Democrat, but I also really truly feel that he has the character and integrity that I think has been lacking in the Bush Administration. McCain scares me. His military experience, rather than making him more humble and compassionate, seems to have made him more militant and ready to go to war. He has supported Iraq and has said “Bomb, bomb Iran.” We need some very strong diplomatic skills to get out of the hole in the Middle East, and I think Obama can look at it with fresh eyes. So many politicians say we can’t even talk to other nations without pre-conditions, and I think that is crazy. Maybe that’s why the world is such a mess. Many carry strong prejudices from the past and can’t think outside the political, sanctions-only box. Read the rest of this entry »

I sometimes wonder if anyone reads my column, and I found out Read the rest of this entry »

I just returned from having dinner at Prairie Grille in Kickapoo. I’ve been hearing good things about it, and found out that everything they said was true. It is a building that looks like a former old corner grocery. I’m not sure what it was originally, but it is unique, rather small, but has excellent food. They have a good wine list and many good choices at fairly reasonable prices. I went with our Free for Friendship Group from Church, and I almost didn’t go, but am certainly glad I did.

I get home after five on Fridays, and usually just want to relax, let my mind go blank and watch something on television that has to have little thought applied. I enjoyed the company and the restaurant immensely and am delighted I made the right decision. Read the rest of this entry »

Well, I have to report that I had another bout of stomach upset and dehydration and ended up in the emergency room for about six hours last Saturday night. I think between my son and me, we are keeping Methodist Emergency Room operating. I guess I panic quickly, but with diabetes and getting up in years, I don’t want to take any chances of being out of commission for a long time, and that is a concern with an ongoing condition as I have. I know that I can’t seem to stop the diabetes entirely, even though I try very hard to eat sensibly and get lots of exercise. Read the rest of this entry »

A few people have asked me this month if I’ve stopped writing my column, and I have to report that my life just got too hectic around deadline time last month. My column was not in the Community Word, because I had a couple bad weeks and just didn’t get it written. I was in training at The Center for The Prevention of Abuse where I am working part time. It was quite intense as you could imagine to be focused on domestic violence, sexual assault, child and elder abuse and pressing gender problems. Right in the middle of this intensity on a Saturday, I got a call from my son Jason who was vomiting, had a terrific headache and feeling really lousy.

I stopped by the pharmacy and got him some medicine for nausea before I drove down to his house. When I got there he also had a very high fever. I gave him the medicine which he promptly vomited up. When I asked how he had anything left in his stomach, he said he was throwing up bloody bile. When he said that I realized he’d been throwing up since the middle of the night and was starting to get disoriented, and was definitely dehydrated. I called an ambulance and he went into Methodist. They weren’t sure what was going on and gave him lots of tests. His blood pressure was high as was his blood sugar, and he was pretty much out of it. He got up to go to the bathroom and pulled his IV out because he wasn’t aware of were he was. They did many tests and couldn’t find anything wrong, but said that the flu had probably caused all those high tests.

This was confirmed this week when he was scheduled to go in for a arterography, but the doctor told him he had checked all of his other tests and could see that he was very ill with the flu and that effected pretty much everything else. I am again so thankful that there was nothing serious, and he seems to be doing well now.

He was in the hospital for four days and came home on a Tuesday.

On Wednesday a good friend’s obituary was in the paper. She was a wonderful person and very vibrant: I worked with her at Global Village. She was younger than I, but I knew she had been falling quite a lot, and she fell in the bathtub and injured her head severely. Death is part of life as I have learned so well because of my many losses, but it is still very difficult and sad when someone so full of life is suddenly gone.

I love working at the Center, because I am doing some follow up with clients and also working with children there. Although it was tough to learn the horrific statistics about domestic violence, sexual assault and elder and child abuse, it makes me feel much more useful and helpful to work with the women and children there. Although I enjoyed working with Home Instead, it was pretty much one on one, and I have the sense that I can help more people in my present position. I have discovered that one of my strong passions is helping people, so this is a good fit for me.

Well today It got up to eighty degrees, so I think we’ve jumped right into summer. I was able to get out in to my yard only once between rain showers, so I have a lot to do, but I’m looking forward to being outside again after this dreary, cold winter.

I also got to go for a Reunion this last weekend to the Allerton Conference Center which is owned by the University of Illinois and is located in Monticello. Our women’s group church had met there for years, but were forced to stop in the year 2000 because the dates couldn’t be worked out, but this was our fiftieth reunion, so it was very special. We shared many great memories of women and events at many retreats held there over the years. Robert Allerton was a very wealthy man who built a mansion outside of Monticello, and there are many formal gardens, statuary and beautiful objects in the house and on the grounds. He donated the estate to the University to be used as a Conference. It reminds me somewhat of the Hearst Mansion in California. It was a magnificent building as those men at that time were inclined to build.

It always made us feel like royalty to stay there, and this last weekend was no exception. In fact they have added even more antiques, oriental rugs and restructured the rooms, so you feel like you are the only ones staying there. A beautiful dining room in the former stables completed our sense of luxury, because we are able to just share, rest, eat and reminiscence. It was fun to be spoiled and pretend for a weekend.

I’ve been reading mostly lighter books this month. I read another David Baldacci novel called Total Control. His plot convolutions and quirks truly fascinate me. Sometimes I can tell what’s going to happen, but often I can’t and I like the suspense. I also read Meant to Be by Walter Anderson which is autobiographical and a good read. Another light one was Lover’s Lane by Jill Marie Landis. I just started a book by James Tully called The Crimes of Charlotte Bronte: a Novel, which is fiction but based on many records, letters and writings found in an attic after many years which sheds a strange new light on what really was the truth about the Bronte sisters’ writings. It is very compelling and insightful. ENJOY THE WARMTH!

Each month I start thinking about what to write about, and end up pretty much just relating the things that have happened during the last month. However, I am not doing any traveling right now and do not have anything terribly exciting to write about. But maybe it’s okay to just write about the small daily trials and tribulations. I know we all have them and sometimes they can be overwhelming for some dependent on their age and their health. I do think longingly sometimes of the times when I could go skiing and even get out in the snow and sled down a hill. I can’t do that anymore, or at least I don’t try to do that. Maybe I should!

I have always loved snow and cold weather or at least have not minded it, but lately I’m getting a little tired of always having to clean my car off before I drive home at night. Because I am sitting with a woman at a nursing home from 4:00 – 7:00 p.m., I often have to brush and scrape off the snow and ice each evening before I can begin the journey home. I am really getting tired of doing that and as I’ve said before I am beginning to understand why people run off to Florida or Arizona. I also have to get my dog out in the morning and evening, so that’s another reason to wish for clear roads and decent weather. I grew up in Denver, Colorado, and loved the snow, because that meant skiing and ice skating, both of which I loved.

Oh well! Life does change, and it’s better to go along with the changes or at least accept them graciously, and not wish for the good old days. I’m not sure they were that good, but perhaps it’s the way we want to remember them. I know that I do remember many things that I thought were absolutely the best, that don’t seem that way anymore. Compared to today’s life, it’s difficult to equate the two. I think we have so much more that it’s hard to go back and remember what was good. I know that going to a movie on Saturday afternoon for a quarter and seeing the cliff-hanging end of the serial was so exciting. Now I go to a movie and spend sixteen times as much, and probably don’t feel as thrilled as when I waited breathlessly for the next Saturday to see what happened.

Although I have seen a couple movies recently that I enjoyed and would recommend. I saw “There Will be Blood” with Daniel Day Lewis and thought his was the best acting I’ve seen for at least a year. He was an ordinary person when he started drilling for oil, but became a Satan at the end of the movie. I thought it was a great movie because it really showed that greed and money can corrupt absolutely. I see that same thing happening in today’s world. I also saw “Definitely, Maybe” which was the perfect foil to balance the evil in the Blood movie. It left nothing to think about, was lighthearted, fun and had no redeeming social qualities, which is the best kind to watch sometimes.

We are now into the New Year by a month, and like previous months, it has flown by. I notice as I get older, time goes so much faster. I’ve talked with others who are close to my age, and they report the same thing. What happened to those long-ago-teenage years where time seemed to slow down and wait for us? Not, so anymore, the months go whizzing by, and we wonder, “When did that happen?”

A couple other changes that I notice is how much I have been able to let go of irritation about things or other people and how much I do appreciate much more simple things. For example, I do so notice and enjoy the beauty of nature even more than I used to. I do appreciate in this cold, cold weather (today is minus six) that sunrises and sunsets have such beautiful colors. From purple to pink to coral and all the shades in between, they are truly magnificent. I wonder if the cold air or perhaps the moisture in the air really does enhance the colors in a brighter and more vivid way. I guess only a meteorologist could answer that, but I don’t need to know the answer, I can just truly look up into the sky each morning and evening and let the beauty overwhelm me. Taking Kaja, my dog out in the early morning and evening allows me the opportunity to experience this beauty which is another good reason to have a dog living at my house.

All my life I’ve read that when we react to something negative in another person, it is a sign that there is a trait in ourselves that we need to be aware of and work on. Others only reflect what is going on inside us. I can see that so much more clearly now, and try to become aware of that particular negative behavior and change it in myself. I don’t always succeed, but I’m doing better. For me it has taken many years to realize so much that should have been apparent in earlier times. I do so remember my late, dear husband, Jack, telling me after I questioned him about leaving me before we were married fifty years. At that time, we had to keep things light, because we knew his cancer was terminal, and I didn’t want to cry all the time, so tried hard to laugh. He said “I don’t know why I’m going, and you’re staying. Maybe I have finished what I’m here for, and you haven’t.” Such prophetic words. He was such a wise and wonderful person.

I know that I see such fabulous traits in many people and some rather petty ones in others. I work part time for Home Instead, Senior Care where I go into homes, nursing homes and even hospitals just to offer time and comfort to older people. I have two clients right now in nursing homes that are truly inspirational, and I feel good after I leave them. One who has quite a lot of physical problems is so cheerful and elegant, and appreciates so much what I do for her. And what I do for her is very simple. She loves her room, the opportunity to see the weather in any of its phases, the birds, who come and eat in a feeder outside her room, enjoying the wheelchair ride as we visit the library and I read to her or going to a function at the nursing home to play a game, do crafts or listen to music. She is so grateful for each small thing I or anyone else can do for her, and thanks me profusely for being there with her. What a glow that adds to my day!

I am also blessed to have another client who is equally positive who can do more for herself, but thanks me for each thing I do, even if it’s just listing a television program or a program for the next day, or just sharing our life stories, about our children, work, favorite authors, spiritual life and our thankfulness for all of that. I am blessed to be able to give the little I can to these two women, and it provides me with the opportunity to look into my own heart and become a better person. I always thought that what Jack was telling me was that I needed to learn more patience, and maybe I’m finally getting a little more of that virtue. I hope so.

I’ve been quite busy and have been working with my dear son, Jason and took my grandson, Kaid in for therapy. Unfortunately he had to have the second knee operation, but seems to be doing much better this time. The other time about a year ago, he had to be on crutches for four to five weeks, but this time I picked him up after school four days after surgery, and he limped out without crutches. I am so thankful for that and much more.

I have read a couple lighter novels this month: one by Maeve Binchy entitled Scarlet Feather, and the other by Nevada Barr about one of my favorite characters, Anna Pigeon, a forest ranger. Each of these stories is set in a different national park. The book is called Ill Wind. I enjoyed them both and they were quick reads. In between I read American Legacy: the story of John and Caroline Kennedy. It was a little meatier than the other. It covers their childhood in the White House, the dark aftermath of their fathers’ assassination, their uneasy adolescence, and the many challenges they faced as adults. It’s a realistic look at real people who have been greatly altered by the media in most accounts. I enjoyed getting the real story.

I’ve just begun Diane Ackerman’s book, The Zookeeper’s Wife: a War Story about a zookeeper and his wife who hid Jews from the Nazis during WW II. One of my joys at this age is to get into my flannel sheeted bed on a cold night, pull up the covers and read until I get sleepy. It is the best time of the day. Stay Warm!

I am almost ashamed to admit that I’ve had another “incident.” On Sunday, December 9, I fell on the ice left by that terrific ice storm, which most people had enough sense not to go out in. But not yours truly. I went out to walk Kaja, my dog, and was okay as long as I walked on the snow-covered grass, but eventually I had to go across the street. I was almost to the other side when down I went - first the tailbone- then the back and shoulders - and last my head, which felt like it bounced off the asphalt like a basketball. I don’t think I blacked out, but I stayed down a few minutes and Kaja continued to run around trying to ferret out a squirrel or rabbit. I eventually staggered home holding on to tombstones. Thank Goodness for those dead people who provided me with places to hold on to.I finally got home and called my son, Jason who went to the hospital emergency room with me. I hurt so badly that I was sure I had broken something. But after x-rays of my back and shoulders and a cat scan, I learned that I had a concussion but no broken bones. I had a headache for over a week, and my tailbone still hurts like the devil every time I take a step. I received instructions as I left the hospital instructing me to rest a lot and take it easy because the healing would last at least a week - longer if I was older. Guess what - I’m older, and it’s taking a long time to heal. My son has been very helpful and concerned, and called me one day just this week and asked how I felt, and I told him I felt like I had been dragged through a knothole. He laughed and laughed and said he’d never heard that expression but thought it very descriptive.

If and when I write my autobiography, I certainly have lots of medical incidents to include. Actually I feel very lucky because it turned out that I had no serious injury, and in thinking about it, I realize how truly lucky I was. I had a warm home to go home to, insurance so that I could afford to go to the hospital and a loving son who was there and was most helpful. As I mention many times I am lucky to be here in this country with the freedoms I have, and if I’m dumb enough to go out on ice, I can still ask for help.

Christmas is fast approaching and although it is not one of my favorite holidays because of the people missing in my life, I have learned to treat it in such a way that it doesn’t get me down. I dwell much more on the good memories from my sons, grandson and husband. I shop on an ongoing basis, so I don’t have last minute shopping. I set limits on money, time and stress, so that I can usually handle things pretty well. I like to bake, and I do some of that. I like to buy gifts, and I do some of that. I like to be with family and I do some of that. ‘The some of that’ is what keeps me sane. I try to not go overboard and get crazy with spending, baking or shopping. I think I finally have it down to a manageable level, but it has not been easy to set those limits, and I do think that age has much to do with it. Many things that used to seem vital just lessen in importance as we grow older. I like to think I’ve reached the wise woman stage of life.

Although I am fairly busy with water exercise classes and a part-time job with Home Instead Senior Care, I try to pace myself and enjoy the exercise and the opportunity to spend time with wonderful, older people. I spent some hours this afternoon with a senior at a Nursing Home, and she really helps me appreciate life and our past individual experiences. She is not able to read or get around very well anymore, but is so positive and gracious. I come home from her room feeling so good, because she is happy where she is, likes doing the things she can do, loves watching the birds outside her window, and enjoys my reading to her. She truly makes me feel guilty if I complain about anything. I love being with her and she makes my holiday season even brighter.

I did get to spend a block of time reading this month while I was in bed the first couple days after my fall. I finally got the last Harry Potter book read. It was titled Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I had pretty well kept up with my grandson, Kaid, in reading Rowling’s series, but somehow got behind on the last one. It was a monster - over 700 pages- and it took me those two days to read it. I have enjoyed all of these books, because as I said I truly think it is some of the best fantasy written for kids since Chronicles of Narnia. And for those who think there’s something sinister or evil in her books. I would say. “Lighten Up and don’t take yourself so seriously.”

I read a couple light novels to pass the time, but I don’t remember as much about them as a really in-depth look at something, someone or a relationship .The first one was Temperature Rising about a exotic, Pacific Island romance by Sandra Brown. The other was a book by the author who wrote Traveling Pants, Terry Brasheare, and was called The Last Summer of You and Me. actually was a well written story about growing up, and moving in to adult life. A good read. I’ve just gotten started on a book by Colleen McCullough who wrote The Thorn Birds. Titled Morgan’s Run it is a little slower reading because it’s a historical novel of English life around the time of The Revolution.

HAVE A HAPPY HOLIDAY SEASON!

BE KIND TO YOURSELF!!

Another Thanksgiving and another self examination and reflection on my life. It was nine years ago Thanksgiving eve that my dear husband, Jack, left this physical life, and changed my life forever after. I think many times of both the bad and good that comes with the passage of life. I love the part of being old where I can do what I want, say what I want (without hurting anyone) and pretty much do what I want. Of course there is the other side of the rainbow, I don’t have a partner to share life with, my body is giving me more trouble than it ever did, and I could care less about things I used to think were vital, like keeping a clean house. One of the good things about that is that I can clean it up when I need to, but it doesn’t hold the importance that it used to. I can go to a show when I choose to or call a friend to go with, but when I get home I don’t have anyone to discuss it with. I can stay up as late as I’d like reading, but again there is no one to share the elements of a book. I can spend my money however I want, but fewer people to spend for. I can cook up a big dinner, but short of calling Jason, my son, to come over, I have no one to share it with. I think the two terms that most exemplify my life is freedom, but a lack of sharing and companionship.

It seems that one is not so good without the other. Having the wisdom I’m supposed to have now along with the wrinkles of getting older aren’t as much fun when you have no one to compare with, and laugh about it together. I have a card on my frig which a student gave me years ago during my teaching days that says, “It takes the rain and the sun to make a rainbow.” That is so very true, I know I am blessed to have had Jack in my life for forty seven years and the joys of being a mother and a grandmother for twenty four, and forty two years, and I try very hard to look at it that way. But sometimes it is hard, and I sit down and cry for what I’ve lost, but the next day I am grateful for the many blessings I have now. I compare myself to a family in Iraq, Afghanistan, Kosovo, or many places where families are separated or even lost forever. I am lucky and blessed in many ways.

I am so fortunate to be an American and have a roof over my head, money to buy food, and pay my utilities and even some disposable income to spend. I can very well get carried away griping about the many things that are happening right now like the war, the arrogance of so many in power and our demise as a world leader, but I know it is wonderful that I have the freedom to say it. I am very afraid with the Patriot Act and other run arounds by the administration that some of those freedoms are being lost. And isn’t that why so many people want to immigrate to America? Our fore mothers and fathers felt the same way and came for that freedom. I know we need to remember that all of our ancestors came from somewhere else, because the near destruction of the Native American population left few true Native Americans.

I am late with this column, so it may not get in, but I had such a great Thanksgiving with friends at my church. Jason and I went with a family sized group and shared our thanks and our bounty. And it is truly bounty. I always feel a little guilty about getting so stuffed, but I guess I defend myself by saying it’s the American way. But that is not a good way, and I hope to go out next year and volunteer rather than making a pig of myself again. Although there is something to be said about making a pig of yourself once in a great while, so maybe it’s okay occasionally.

I am going to cut this short by mentioning just a few of the books I read this month. I read Forever by Pete Hamil which was quite a story from a different perspective. I so enjoyed that one that I read another of his called Snow in August. Not as sweeping a saga as Forever but very enjoyable and fun to read. I recommend him as a writer. He is a New Yorker and a well-known journalist which makes a great combination. I read a light novel by Nora Roberts called High Noon which held my attention for a couple hours, though not a great read.

I am now reading The Legend of Starship by Dolores Cannon. This is an interesting look at regression therapy and the work of Cannon who tells the story of a patient who lived many years ago, and relates the story of a ship crashing on earth. A fascinating look from a whole different viewpoint. I tend to believe in much that is not readily acceptable to many, so this has been a great read for me. Try something different in your reading this month!