I have lived for what seems like a very long time.

In fact, I often admit the obvious truth that I have become a grouchy old man. My family thinks I am in the dark, but I know that due to my ruining every get-together or occasion by “allegedly” saying something inappropriate, I am the relatve most likely to be put in a nursing home. It is an absolute certainty the staff there … will beat me.

“Your father called the DON, a uhh … beady-eyed, gargoyle-looking hoe. The other patients have tried to kill him twice and no one knows why he falls down the stairs so often.”

Somewhere along the way I decided to work very hard at cultivating a true love of righteousness. The results have been mixed, but I honestly believe it is where our salvation lies. Was the fear of being a victim of elder abuse or fear of the wrath of divine retribution my motivation? If so many of us believe in God, then why do so few of us live like it?

Religion should grow your love, your joy and your peace. Following God should teach you to pursue a love of righteousness. Far too many people in our society are filled with anger and hate. Many of them have legitimate grievances with life, love and circumstances, but being content with a state of perpetual rage is not righteous, godly or even sane. At some point it stops being about what was done to you and becomes just about you.

I have no Earthly business at all trying to run my own life. Neither do you.

There is a wild man from a concrete jungle who is a deeply ingrained part of me. A similar lunatic resides in each of you. We all have a side that no one ever needs to see. Some have six or seven kinds of stupid that you have to juggle … depending on the day. And when we are all crazy at the same time? We can really get things cracking!!

Inner sole

Some dark thing lurks within us that we do not understand. It draws us towards wickedness. No one on Earth can escape what they are at their core even if they have no interest in being righteous. Every human interaction we have has become infested with the potential for conflict. Facebook Reels and Tik Tok are filled with people who have become “hood famous” by giving in to their most hateful instincts. It takes a grace too powerful to fully understand to protect us from ourselves.

Let us think of the soul as something simple here and call it our essence — our core self. Faithfulness enables us to outgrow shame and draw close to God. When our core self is all about hostility and resentment, it shows. Those dark, secret places that hide our shame and guilt can only conceal so much. Our worst decisions, misguided goals and irresponsible actions create an emotional pain that marks faces with wrinkles and bends backs in disgrace.

God, as I understand Him, allows me the grace and the courage to see myself as He does. He helps me bring my life under the influence of His power. Without that divine love, I will automatically serve the God of Me, the God of Pleasure, the God of I Wish You Would or the God of Vindication. We adorn ourselves in these idolatrous pursuits and strut as if we have religion in an effort to conceal festering wounds of self-loathing and to magnify our personal delusions of grandeur.

Self reflection

Your heart tells you the truth standing in the kitchen at 3 a.m.,
staring at the fridge and doing an entire line … of Oreos. You failed at being a parent and husband, some people you love may never forgive your mistakes and if only someone had taught you how to do any or all of these things … maybe you could have been good enough.

Hatred takes root.

Feeling like a big cat in a small cage makes ridiculousness possible in my life. This restlessness makes it much harder for me to not lash out at anything that gets in my way. There have been times when I stood outside myself, watching me misbehave, saying, “You are going to hate yourself for this later.”

Revenge is not righteous. We have many names for it: “standing on business,” “getting even” or even “justice.” Striking back is never noble. We celebrate cruelty by looking for payback, demanding respect, and being willing to destroy instead of creating bonds of commonality and love. Godly devotion and faithfulness can only grow in pursuit of righteousness.

Buyer beware

Hatred will always be the byproduct of revenge. The root cause of murder will always be hatred. Road rage where someone pulls a gun, that dice game that guarantees a sudden spasm of violence, a Karen that insists on ruling a moment at any cost or some country that invades another … it is all the same sickness.

You better believe that it is possible for your family barbecue to end in bloodshed, too. Each of you can likely recall an event that you saw on the news or heard about in your community where the participants all behaved in inexplicable ways. These events happen among family, coworkers, friends and lovers all the time.

Aunt Brenda and Aunt Gina are both still mad about some boy they both loved in 1982 even though that fool is doing natural life in Pontiac. Better remind everyone to not wear blue or red to Thanksgiving even though your cousins and uncles have not been members of their street gang sets for
40 years. Your living room could be the scene of a firefight. Half of them cannot leave the house to eat a forkful of sweet potato pie without packing that heat.

Mix enough hatred with a bottle of Cisco, Thunderbird or Night Train and there is going to be blood on the dance floor. Now imagine putting cousin Rashawn or Skeeter in charge of missiles, tanks, ships and trillions of dollars of someone else’s money. When world leaders get intoxicated on power and mix in hate, everyone suffers.

Righteous reckoning

The entire state is a safer place when I am diligent about seeking righteousness. I make fewer enemies. How my behavior may affect you matters to me. I enjoy more calm, have good relationships with people who pursue similar goals and my heart begins to actually feel the love from my Father in Heaven. Exercising faith blesses me with the same kindness I show others, but only when I choose His ways over my own.

Vindication keeps me thinking about myself and all the wrongs against me either in reality or just in my mind. A steady diet of the childish viciousness of revenge can lead to hatred, murder — and on a big enough scale, war. The emotional pain that hate renders through the guilt and shame of godless selfishness fills our homes, our streets and our relationships.

We all need to seek Grace and love by earnestly trying to live up to righteous standards to the best of our ability every single minute of every single day. Denying our fleshly weaknesses and praying for the Holy Spirit can bring the peace I so desperately want and need.

It may even reduce the number of beatings I get someday in the nursing home.